Earth, as Arthur
Turn on the light. Stand up. Get your dressing gown and put it on. Open the pocket and take the pill of buffered analgesic. Take the screwdriver and toothbrush. Go south onto your porch and get the junk mail. Go south again and take bleary-eyed notice of the bulldozer.
BULLDOZER??
Lie down in the mud to stop the bulldozer's progress. Wait while the bulldozer approaches and finally stops. When Ford Prefect shows up, don't take his offered towel. Say Ford, what about my home? Wait one more turn while he talks to Prosser and persuades him to switch places with you in the mud. After you stand up, head south and then west down the lane to the pub. Wait two turns. Drink the beer three times, and buy a cheese sandwich. Soon you will hear your house being knocked down. Go east out of the pub, give the sandwich to the dog, then go north to what's left of your house. Spend a couple of turns taking it out on Prosser (yell at him, hit him, etc.), and soon a Vogon Constructor Fleet will arrive to do to Earth what Prosser just did to your house. Pick up the "small black device" that Ford drops. Examine it - it's an Electronic Thumb. Press the green button to hitch a ride aboard one of the conveniently located Vogon ships.
For Your Amusement:
Look under your bed.
Phone home from your bedroom
(do this quickly, before the phone line is knocked down).
Hit Prosser.
Enjoy the mud when you're
lying in front of the bulldozer.
Ask Prosser for the time.
Take the towel that Ford offers you.
Get drunk in the pub.
Try to buy peanuts.
Listen to the jukebox music several times.
Pet or kick the dog.
Hit Prosser (again, after your house is demolished).
Enjoy my house after it's
been demolished.
Ask Prosser, what about my home?
after it's been demolished (but before the Vogons arrive).
Give the thing your aunt gave you to Prosser.
Talk to Prosser after the Vogon fleet has arrived.
The Vogon Ship
Wait four turns. Look closely at the room descriptions. Have you noticed a sense is now missing from the list of things you can't perceive? Smell dark, then examine the shadow. Eat the peanuts that Ford gives you. The next order of business is to get a babel fish into your ear. (Yeah, you heard me.) Examine the dispensing machine. Remove your gown and hang it on the hook. Wait one turn for Ford to fall asleep. Take the towel and satchel. Put the towel over the grate in the floor. Put the satchel in front of the dispenser's "robot panel". Put the junk mail on the satchel. Press the dispenser button. Squish! Examine the case that holds the atomic vector plotter. Flip the switch, and make a note of what the password is to open the case. Wait four turns until some Vogon guards come to drag you to the poetry reading. Wait four more turns. Enjoy the poetry. Wait. Pay close attention to get the password for the vector plotter case. When you are returned at last to the hold, type the password on the keyboard. Get the atomic vector plotter and your gown and towel. Wait. You will be rudely hustled into the airlock. Examine the Thumb and you will see the blinkenlights. (Alles lookenspeepers!) Press the green button to hitch a ride aboard a spaceship whose occupants are not about to violently eject you into space.
For Your Amusement:
Don't eat the peanuts in the Vogon Hold, and wait four turns.
Ask Ford, what about the Earth?
Enjoy the Vogon poetry without the babel fish (eat peanuts, then wait 25 turns).
Count the guards, both at the poetry reading and in the hold.
Talk to the Vogon captain.
The Heart of Gold
Wait four turns until "hearing" disappears, then listen to the dark. Try to go port four times, and the game will tell you the exit is actually aft, so go aft. Read the brochure. You will follow Ford to the ship's bridge. Get the molecular hyperwave pincer that is here. After Zaphod, Ford and Trillian all wander off into the sauna, take a moment to examine your inventory. Notice that the "thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is", which rolled away from you back on Earth, has reappeared. This curious "thing" follows you around and will always reappear in your inventory a short while later if you drop it. You can also put everything you're carrying in the thing; its capacity is large, if not infinite. Do so now.
Go down the gangway into the corridor. Go port and touch the pad on the Nutrimat. Get the cup of Advanced Tea Substitute and return starboard (which can be abbreviated to sb) to the corridor. Go aft, then aft again. Answer yes twice when the game asks you if you really want to go in there, then go aft again. Answer no when asked to reconsider. Look twice to get the description of the room. Drop the thing. Get the rasp and pliers. Put them in the thing. Take the Improbability Drive. Go fore twice and then up to the bridge. Drop the drive, the cup of ATS and the atomic vector plotter. Plug the small plug on the drive into the small receptacle on the plotter. Put the long, dangly bit of the plotter (you can refer to it just as "bit") in the cup. Turn on the Improbability Drive and you will find yourself in the Dark.
For Your Amusement:
Yell in the Dark.
Wait about 60 turns in the Dark to see the hints you get.
Regarding the Dark
When you involuntarily enter the Dark at the end of a scene, you can only exit by waiting four turns, then hearing the dark and going aft to the Entry Bay of the Heart of Gold. But when you go into the Dark to start a scene, from this point forward that is always done by turning on the Improbability Drive. The exit from there is determined by which sense goes missing and in which of two ways the thing you finally perceive is described. We've already been to one smell exit ("being waved" goes to the Vogon Hold) and one hearing exit ("above you" goes to the Heart of Gold). At the moment, because we're using Advanced Tea Substitute, we have limited control over the Dark: you are not missing a sense until you've waited four turns, which one it is is random, and waiting further will not change it. Once you have real tea at the, er, helm in a little while, you can easily control the exit you take from the Dark: not only does a sense disappear on the very first turn, the missing sense changes every turn you wait. Also, if you don't get the exit you want from that sense, just wait again and the missing sense will change, so when you come back round you can try again.
Traal (smell, "waving")
Smell the dark, and examine the shadow. Looks like a Bugblatter Beast in the vicinity is very ravenous indeed! Since it's demanding your name, say my name. Head east and have a quick look at the memorial. Get a sharp stone. Put the towel on your head, then quickly carve my name on the memorial. The Beast, figuring it must have eaten you already ("Daft as a brush, but very very ravenous"), will go to sleep. Remove the towel from your head. Drop the stone. Go west and southwest to the Inner Lair and get the interface for the Nutrimat. Next you will have an encounter with some Fronurbdian Beasthunters, and then you will find yourself back in the Dark.
For Your Amusement:
Say something other than your name when the Beast asks for it.
Say your name with the towel over your eyes.
Carve name on memorial (rather
than "carve my name on memorial"), and carve one of the names suggested.
Carve the Beast's name on the memorial.
Read the memorial after carving your name.
Show the thing your aunt gave you to the Beast.
Wake the sleeping Beast.
The Missile Attack
(You can do this section any time you're on the Heart of Gold after having been to Traal and gotten the interface, although it's a good idea to do it as early as possible because it gets you real tea.)
From Entry Bay #2, go aft and port. Open the service panel on the Nutrimat and take out the circuit board that's there. Put in the interface and close the panel again. Touch the pad and it will go to work trying to make tea for you. ("…With milk? …Squirted out of a cow?") Go back starboard and up to the bridge and wait a couple turns. Panic as a missile attack starts. Put the large plug in the large receptacle, and turn on the drive. In a brilliant tactical manoeuvre, the oncoming missiles will be transformed into a whale. Return down and port to the Galley and get the tea that the Nutrimat has produced. Take it up to the bridge, drop it, and transfer the long, dangly bit into the tea (remove bit then put bit in tea). Wait until you are informed that you have landed on Magrathea. Turn on the drive and you'll find yourself back in the Dark.
For Your Amusement:
Open the hatch before landing on Magrathea.
Read the tiny message on the circuit board with the magnifying glass (from
Damogran).
Smash the circuit board.
Plug the drive into the control panel and turn it on before the missile attack.
Turn on the spare drive during the missile attack without first plugging it
into the control panel (large plugs).
Ask Eddie to open the hatch both before and after the ship has landed. (must
be done from the Bridge)
Until you are using tea you will not get the whale-innards exit, but other than that the following are self-contained and can be done in any order:
Earth, as Trillian (touch, "cold")
Touch the Dark, and drink the liquid. In this scene you're at the Islington party where Trillian hooked up with Zaphod in the first place. Examine Arthur. Drop the wine, and get the fluff from his jacket. Open your bag, put in the fluff, and then pick up the wine again. Now that you have the fluff, you can just wait while Arthur bores you until Phil comes and picks you up, and you'll be left in the Dark again. Go aft and up to the bridge. Open the handbag and get the tweezers and fluff.
For Your Amusement:
Drink the wine.
Eat the hors d'oeuvres several times.
Throw the glass of wine or the plate of hors d'oeuvres.
Count the hors d'oeuvres.
Pick up Arthur or Phil.
The Whale (touch, "warm")
Touch the Dark, and drink the liquid. Get the flowerpot and put it in the thing. Now wait until you are splattered against the surface of Magrathea and are returned to the Dark.
Damogran (sight, "back")
See the Dark, and examine the light. In this scene you are Zaphod Beeblebrox, President of the Galaxy and all-around hell-of-a-guy. ("If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now!") Look under the seat and get the fluff and key. Unlock the box with the key and get the magnifying glass and wrench. Push the autopilot button. To make it take over from you, present it with some danger to avoid: steer towards the rocky spire. After a few turns the autopilot will steer you to the dais. Stand up and get out of the boat. Wave at the crowd. Wait for Trillian to show up and threaten to shoot you. Tell the guards to drop their rifles, then tell Trillian to shoot the pile of rifles. Go into the Heart of Gold, and you will be back in the Dark. After you leave the Dark aft, go aft again and then down the gangway to the hatch. Get the fluff and tools that you dropped here as Zaphod.
For Your Amusement:
Jump into the water from the Presidential Speedboat.
Throw something into the water from the boat.
After telling the guards to drop their rifles, take the blaster from Trillian
and shoot the crowd, the guards, Trillian, yourself, and the toolbox.
Order guards, shoot both before
and after they've dropped their photon rifles.
Count the guards and the crowd.
Earth, as Ford (sight, "front")
See the Dark, and examine the light. This scene should be awfully familiar to you: you're Ford, doing the things Ford did at the start of the game when you were Arthur. Go north towards Arthur's house. Open your satchel and get the fluff and towel. Offer the towel to Arthur. (When the game prompts you "You feel like a complete… what's the word?" you can answer idiot if you like.) Walk around the bulldozer and you will talk to Prosser. Ask him to lie in the mud, and he will do so. Then go south and west to the pub. Buy beer and peanuts. Drink the beer. Arthur will hear his house being demolished and dash up the lane to investigate. Follow him (east, north), and give him the fluff. Since he's intoxicated, he'll think nothing of this strange act. In a few turns, the Vogons will arrive to destroy Earth. You'll drop the Thumb, as Ford did in the beginning of the game, and then it will be Dark again. Return aft, aft, and up to the bridge. If you do an inventory, you will see that your dressing gown now contains the satchel fluff you gave to Arthur as Ford.
For Your Amusement:
Go straight to the Pub instead of giving Arthur the towel, and then wait a
few turns.
Talk to the bulldozer driver.
Give the towel and satchel to Prosser.
Drink the Santraginean Mineral Water that's in your satchel.
Answer moron instead of "idiot"
when prompted.
Listen to the jukebox music several times.
Eat the cheese sandwich.
Feed peanuts to the dog.
War Chamber and Maze (hearing, "below")
Hear the Dark, and go aft. Get the awl, then just wait until you arrive in the Maze. This maze (whose room descriptions may amuse players of Zork I) is actually inside your own brain. There's no pattern here; just wander around in any directions you like until you see a black particle. This particle is your common sense. Take it and you will once more be returned to the Dark.
For Your Amusement:
Examine the approaching star system - especially the third planet - from the
War Chamber of the battle fleet.
Talk to the Vl'Hurg leader or G'Gugvunt leader.
Drop something in the Maze and then walk around once you've gotten out.
Heart of Gold last time, and Magrathea
(This section begins after you have been to all the scenes above.)
Return to the bridge. Remove the long, dangly bit from the cup of tea and take the tea. Then, take the "no tea" that you dropped when you got the tea. Now have a look at your inventory: tea, and no tea! Well, now; isn't that amazing! Have you noticed, too, that you have four different kinds of fluff? Plant them all in the flowerpot. Wait four turns until it sprouts, then go port into the sauna. Look at the plant. Get the fruit. Go down and aft. Try to go port and you will be told the "screening door" is closed, so open it. Since you are intelligent enough to have tea and no tea, it will open for you. Drink the tea, then go port into Marvin's Pantry. Get the chisel. Check your inventory and make sure you have the thing. Say Marvin, open the hatch. Go starboard and down. Eat the fruit. Drop everything but the tool you saw yourself giving to Marvin. Go starboard again into the Access Space. Wait. Marvin will show up. Wait one more turn, then give him the tool when he asks for it. Return port, then go down onto Magrathea. Congratulations, Earthman!
For Your Amusement:
Kick the screening door, then enter Marvin's Pantry.
Close the screening door once you've opened it.
Don't go to the Access Space after asking Marvin to open the hatch.
For Your Amusement at various times:
Close the thing your aunt gave you.
Wrap the towel around your head elsewhere than Traal.
Push the red button on the Thumb when an Engineer robot is already present.
Brush your teeth with the toothbrush.
Return to various scenes after you've successfully completed them (such as
after stealing the Heart of Gold on Damogran, or getting the interface from
Traal).
Answer the game's various rhetorical questions, such as "Did you have a particular
direction in mind?" with yes
or no answers.
Ask various characters about the object of the game, especially Prosser, Ford,
Marvin, Eddie, the Nutrimat, the screening door, and the Beast.
Try these commands: panic; don't panic;
don't look; don't wait; don't anything else; give
up; throw in the towel; pull myself together; escape; applaud (other
than during the poetry reading); appreciate
something; fill something;
I am Arthur [Dent] (when no
one is asking).
Entries in the Hitchhiker's Guide: alcohol, atomic vector plotter, Babel fish, Brownian motion, Damogran, Earth, fluff, France, Galactic Security Agency, Galaxia Woonbeam, Genuine People Personalities, green button, Heart of Gold, Hitchhiker's Guide, Improbability Drives, Infocom, intelligence, large plug, long dangly bit, Magrathea, matter transference beams, Nutrimat, Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, Peril-Sensitive Sunglasses, protein, Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal, red button, Santraginean Mineral Water, Sirius Cybernetics Corporation, small plug, small receptacle, space, Thumb, towel, Vogon poetry, Vogons, walking, various tools, various weapons.