Around Home

Fill out the "Software Licence Application" however you like. Once finished, you will be in your own house's Front Room. Go west to the Back Room. ("Removals men" are professional movers.) Take everything. Examine the wallet, then check your inventory. (The "letter" from Happitec to you is in the game package, promising a two-week trip to Paris for a training seminar with $75 spending money.) Return east. Open the door. Give the Beezer card to the delivery man. Take the bag of llama treats. Open the front door again and go east. Open the mailbox. Take the leaflet and read it. Examine the postage stamp. (Seems like it might be of interest to the sort of people who like postage stamps.)

Go north and west to the Bookshop. Examine the software. Ask the clerk about the software. Say yes. Examine the cartridge. Open your computer case and take the adventure game cartridge. Give it to the clerk. Put the recipe cartridge in the case. Go east to the street.

Drop the bag of llama treats. (You can't bring them into the restaurant.) Go east to the Restaurant. Wait. Answer the questions in any way you like to order a meal. (Answering "no" whenever that is a valid answer is the fastest way through.) Wait. Order again (you don't need to match the answers you gave the first time). Wait. Take the burger. Go south to sneak out the back way into the Alley (you jerk!), then west and north to your neighbor's house. Take the bag of llama treats. Eat the burger.

Go north and east into the Hallway of the tenement. Knock on the door. Go south into the Flat. Give the stamp (i.e. the Ai-Ai stamp) to the man. Take the mail and examine it. Make a note of the letter printed on the postal service sticker. Go north and west twice to the Travel Agency. Give the letter to the agent. Take the airline ticket. Examine it. Say time to check the time. Should be fine, right?

Go east, south twice, east, and south to Behind Mansion. Open the door. Go west to the Porch. Notice that the macaw is missing either its right or its left wing (this is a political joke: thus the nation flies around in circles!). Under its perch is some mail you want, but the macaw won't let you have it. Listen to the macaw until you hear it say something.

Go east, north, west, and south to your other neighbor's house. Examine the door. Ring the doorbell. Go north, east, south, west, and south to the mansion's Trophy Room. Take the painting (of either Mikhail Gorbachev or Ronald Reagan). Go north to the porch. Show the painting to the macaw. Now that the bird is comatose, you can take the mail. Examine the flyer, and again write down the letter printed on the sticker.

Go east, north, west, and south twice to another neighbor's. Read the notice. Examine the mailbox, open it, and look in it. Examine the trough. Open the bag and empty it into the mailbox. Take the mail. Examine the booklet and again note the letter on the sticker.

Go south. (Hmm... bets that it's the second thing?) Wait. When the voice on the intercom says "Unfortunately, there's a radio connected to my brain", go north and west to the Farmhouse. Wait. When the stranger appears, say "Unfortunately, there's a radio connected to my brain." Wait. The weirdo will give you the response phrase, which is "Actually, it's the BBC controlling us from London." Go east and south. Say "Actually, it's the BBC controlling us from London". Go south to the Foyer of the house.

The paranoid house-owner will ask you five questions. You don't need to type say or use quotes, just enter the proper response. The answers can be found in the game feelies, and are as follows:

What device is used by the banks to keep track of the whereabouts of American citizens? ATM
What local government-subsidised program poses the greatest threat to home privacy? Cable TV
Where is the centre of communist insurgency in the United States? Ohio
What well-meaning legislation was actually a communist-inspired plot to destroy the American family? GI bill
How do THEY learn so much about you? Garbage
How are the dentists of America conspiring to destroy the minds of our children? Novocaine
Who is THEIR leader? Queen Mum
What left-wing organisation foiled the coup d'etat directly after the assassination of John F. Kennedy, leading to decades of crypto-communist government in America? NFL
What do Ronald Wilson Reagan, Daniel Miguel Ortega, Dwight Eugene Gooden and Johnny Herman Carson have in common (and are a menace because of it)? 666
What chemical is the international health conspiracy using to destroy our valuable body fat? Aspartame
What is the breeding ground for most major diseases? Yogurt
What are the Mexicans unleashing on the United States for refusing to grant Mexico a major-league baseball franchise? killer bees
The existence of which one of the fifty states of the union is a fiction invented by the Trilateral Commission for its own nefarious purposes? Delaware
What secret FBI surveillance method is masquerading under the guise of a public service? traffic helicopters

You will be dropped into a gaol (jail) cell. Examine the door. Try to cut the bar with the hacksaw. Examine the knife the weirdo gives you. Press the button. Pull the lever. Examine the power saw. Plug the power saw into the generator. Examine the generator. Take the power saw and give it to the weirdo. Sit on the generator.

After the weirdo cuts the door open, go north into the Basement. Wait two turns for the weirdo to follow you and pass you on the stairs. After he leaves, go up again to the Foyer. Take the mail. Examine the envelope, and note the letter on the sticker. Open the envelope. Take the cheque and examine it. (A negative cheque, eh? Curious...)

For Your Amusement:
Play your answering machine.
Re-enter your house after playing the answering machine.
Pay the waiter at the restaurant $4.50, $4.51, and $5.00. (To do this, you need money from the Bank; see below.)

The Bank and Airport

Go north 7 times to the Bank. (If it's closed, or if it closes while you are in there, wait until it opens, then enter.) Go north. You are trying to find the Withdrawals window. Go west and/or east until you do, answering "N" whenever necessary. When you find Withdrawals, make a note of what number it is (although this changes each time you enter the bank). Answer yes, then Fill slip. Make sure you match the previous entries, because in this case it matters. For amount of withdrawal, enter $75.

Find the deposit window. Answer Y. Give the withdrawal slip to the teller. Give her the cheque. Show your passport to the teller. Return to the withdrawal window. Fill out the withdrawal slip and give it to the teller. Show your passport. You now have $75.

Go south three times and west twice. Open your address book. Read the last page. Call the cab company. Answer the questions (be sure to give only your last name when prompted). Wait until the dispatcher hangs up. Go east twice. Wait for the cab, then enter it. Wait until you arrive at the airport. Pay the driver (tip him as well, if you like).

Go north twice and south twice. Now go west or east until you find the only sign which does not include "Air Zalagasa". Go north twice. Wait four times. Give the ticket to the clerk. Take the direct flight. Go south. Wouldn't it be nice if you could take out the terrible "Gush-O-Slush(R) Spam-For-The-Ears(TM)" PA system? Climb the pillar and go up. Examine the speaker. Pull the wires. Connect the wires. Now, we need to stop your flight from leaving without you on board. Open the grate. Go up four times. Open the grate. Go east into the air traffic control tower. Controllers, stop flight 42. Return west and down 6 times. Passengers grateful that you disabled the PA will take you swiftly to your gate.

For Your Amusement:
Try to fill out a change-of-address form at the Bank.
Call all the numbers in your address book.
Give the house numbers of your neighbours to the cab dispatcher.
Pay the cabbie less than $17.50, $17.50 exactly, $20.00, somewhere in between, and try stiffing him entirely.
Drop stuff in the airport, then go to Lost and Found.

Air Zalagasa

After you are on the airplane, stand. Sit in 3C. Look. Take the safety card and read it (notice that a piece is missing). Take the headphones and wear them. Plug the headphones in. Push the light button (notice that this actually controls the recline function). Remove the headphones and drop them. Wait until your meal arrives. Have the filet. Answer yes twice.

Stand. Go south 5 times. Sit in 8D. Press the light button (this makes seat 2C recline, dumping your inedible meal on the floor). Stand. Go north 5 times. Sit in 3C. Put everything in your pocket. Take the piece of card. Stand. At this point there will be a phone call for you. Go south 7 times. Pick up the phone. Answer yes twice, then no. Read the piece of card (notice the labeling of the parachute: STINGLAI KA'ABI). Attendant, stinglai ka'abi.

Open the hatch. Lift the handle and pull it. Go east 3 times. Wait until you see the attendant with her back to the window. Knock on the window to draw her attention to the fact that you're stuck. Pull the ripcord. Wait. When you land, take off the parachute. Put the recipe cartridge in the computer. Get out of the pot.

For Your Amusement:
Play the eclipse cartridge for the Zalagasans.
Press seat buttons to dump other people's meals on the floor.
Call your house from the airplane phone.

Hacker Headquarters

Examine the locker and read the sign. Turn left and middle. Turn left and right. Turn left and middle. Open the door. Go west. Take the key-card and examine it. Go east. Put the unlabelled cartridge in the computer. ?. Use the print command with the letters in the same order as you found the pieces of mail, e.g. PRINTC, PRINTD, PRINTE, PRINTB.

The message on the screen says, "To find the entrance to Headquarters, upon entering the first numbered room, go in any direction. Thenceforth, subtract the number of the previous room from the number of the current room. Take the last digit of the difference. If it is zero, go East; if one, go South; if two, Up; if Three, North; if four, Down; if five, West. For example, the first numbered room is 64; the second is 105. The difference is 41, making the last digit one; you should go south in this case. Failure will return you to the antechamber."

QUIT and go east. Following the given instructions, navigate the maze to get to headquarters. When you arrive in the Airlock, put the key-card in the slot. Open the door. Repeat four times (your rising blood pressure gives you strength). Go north and west three times.

Examine the left screen. Go west. Examine the computer. Examine the address book. Read the first page. Connect the modular plug to the computer. RANDOM-Q-HACKER. RAINBOW-TURTLE. ?. WHO. TYP. DVH2.HAK. RUN. PLANE.EXE. (This requests a plane to get you home at the end of the game.) Now watch the screen. When you see a notification appear about what file the hacker is going to use next, type COP, then DVH2.HAK, then the filename indicated. This will cause the hacker to unknowingly use DVH2.HAK instead of the file he wanted to hack. DIR. WHO. Go west and up. Wait twice. Go west, south twice, and west. Read the letter. Don't you feel much better now?

For Your Amusement:
Run the nooz program on the unlabelled cartridge.
Look at the screens both before and after shutting down the complex.



For further entertainment, you may be interested in:
Lists of bugs in Bureaucracy: Nathan Simpson external link, Graeme Cree external link, XyzzyNews external link
Posts about this game at The Digital Antiquarian external link, The Adventure Gamer external link, and SPAG external link
Source code external link


Action   Points
Around Home    
Swap cartridges with clerk   1
Eat burger   1
Get mail (4 pieces)    
Get airline ticket   1
The Bank and Airport    
Withdraw money   1
Exchange for direct flight ticket   1
Short out speakers   1
Stop flight 42   1
Air Zalagasa    
Leave airplane with parachute   1
Land in cookpot and live   1
Put recipe cartridge in computer   1
Hacker Headquarters    
Open locker   1
Go through Airlock door   2
Crash hacker's computer   1
Get picked up by plane   2
Read letter   1
Total   21


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last updated 4/28/2021