Go west. Take everything. Return east. Open the door. Give the Beezer card to the delivery man. Take the bag of llama treats. Go east. Open the mailbox. Take the leaflet and read it. Notice the stamp on it.
Go north and west. Examine the software. Ask the clerk about the software. Say yes. Examine the cartridge. Open your computer case and take the "adventure" cartridge. Give it to the clerk. Put the "recipe" cartridge in the case. Go east. Drop the bag. Go east. Wait. Answer the questions in any way you like to order a meal. Wait. Order again (it need not match the first time). Wait. Take the burger.
Go south, west, and north. Take the bag. Eat the burger. Go north and east. Knock on the door. Go south. Give the stamp to the man. Take the mail and examine it. Write down what letter is printed on the postal service sticker. Go north and west twice. Give the letter to the agent. Take the ticket.
For Your Amusement:
Play your answering machine.
Re-enter your house after playing the answering machine.
Pay the waiter $4.50, $4.51, and $5.00. (You will need money from the Bank; see below.)
Other Weirdoes' Houses
Go east, south twice, east, and south. Examine the door and open it. Go west. Listen to the macaw. Go east, north, west, and south. Examine the door. Ring the doorbell. Go north, east, south, west, and south. Take the painting. Go north. Show the painting to the macaw. Take the mail, examine it, and again write down the letter printed on the sticker.
Go east, north, west, and south twice. Read the notice. Examine the mailbox, open it, and look in it. Examine the trough. Open the bag and empty it into the mailbox. Take the mail and again note the letter on the sticker. Go south. Look. When the voice on the intercom says "Unfortunately, there's a radio connected to my brain", go north and west. Look.
When the weirdo appears, say "Unfortunately, there's a radio connected to my brain". Wait. The weirdo will give you the response, which is "Actually, it's the BBC controlling us from London". Go east and south. Say "Actually, it's the BBC controlling us from London". Go south. The answers to the paranoid's questions are as follows:
What device is used by the banks to keep track of the whereabouts
of American citizens? ATM
What local government-subsidised program poses the greatest threat to home privacy? Cable TV
Where is the centre of communist insurgency in the United States? Ohio
What well-meaning legislation was actually a communist-inspired plot to destroy the American family? GI bill
How do THEY learn so much about you? Garbage
How are the dentists of America conspiring to destroy the minds of our children? Novocaine
Who is THEIR leader? Queen Mum
What left-wing organisation foiled the coup d'etat directly after the assassination of John F. Kennedy, leading to decades of crypto-communist government in America? NFL
What do Ronald Wilson Reagan, Daniel Miguel Ortega, Dwight Eugene Gooden and Johnny Herman Carson have in common (and are a menace because of it)? 666
What chemical is the international health conspiracy using to destroy our valuable body fat? Aspartame
What is the breeding ground for most major diseases? Yogurt
What are the Mexicans unleashing on the United States for refusing to grant Mexico a major-league baseball franchise? killer bees
The existence of which one of the fifty states of the union is a fiction invented by the Trilateral Commission for its own nefarious purposes? Delaware
What secret FBI surveillance method is masquerading under the guise of a public service? traffic helicopters
Examine the door. Try to cut the bar with the hacksaw. Examine the knife the weirdo gives you. Press the button. Pull the lever. Examine the power saw. Plug the saw into the generator. Examine the generator. Take the power saw and give it to Woody. Sit on the generator. Go north. Wait for the weirdo to climb the stairs. Go up. Take the mail and note the letter on the sticker. Open the envelope. Take the cheque and examine it.
The Bank and Airport
Go north 7 times to the Bank. (If it's closed, wait until it opens, then enter.) Go the withdrawals window (try each one until you find it, then make a note of which one it is; this changes each time you enter the bank, though). Answer yes. Fill out the withdrawal slip (amount $75).Go to the deposit window. Give the withdrawal slip to teller. Give her the cheque. Show your passport. Return to the withdrawal window. Fill out the withdrawal slip and give it to the teller. Show your passport. (You now have $75.)
Go south three times and west twice. Open your address book. Read the last page. Call the cab company. Answer the questions (be sure to give only your last name when prompted). Wait until the dispatcher hangs up. Go east twice. Wait for the cab, then enter it. Wait until you arrive at the airport. Pay the driver (tip him as well, if you like).
Go north twice and south twice. Now go west or east until you find the only sign which does not include "Air Zalagasa". Go north twice. Wait four times. Give the ticket to the clerk. Take the direct flight. Go south. Climb the pillar and go up. Examine the speaker. Pull the wires. Connect the wires. Open the grate. Go up four times. Open the grate. Go east. Controllers, stop flight 42. Go west and down 6 times.
For Your Amusement:
Try to fill out a change-of-address form at the Bank.
Call all the numbers in your address book.
Give the house numbers of your neighbours to the cab dispatcher.
Pay the cabbie less than $17.50, $17.50 exactly, $20.00, somewhere in between, and try stiffing him entirely.
Drop stuff in the airport, then go to Lost and Found.
After you are on the airplane, stand. Sit in 3C. Look. Take the safety card and read it (notice that a piece is missing). Take the headphones and wear them. Plug the headphones in. Push the light button (notice that this controls the recline function). Remove the headphones and drop them. Wait until your meal arrives. Have the filet. Answer yes twice.
Stand. Go south 5 times. Sit in 8D. Press the light button (this makes seat 2C recline, dumping your meal on the floor). Stand. Go north 5 times. Sit in 3C. Put everything in your pocket. Take the piece of card. Stand. At this point there will be a phone call for you. Go south 7 times. Pick up the phone. Answer yes twice, then no. Read the piece of card (notice the message: STINGLAI KA'ABI). Attendant, stinglai ka'abi.
Open the hatch. Lift the handle and pull it. Go east 3 times. Wait until you see the attendant with her back to the window. Knock on the window. Pull the ripcord. Wait. When you land, take off the parachute. Put the recipe cartridge in the computer. Get out of the pot.
For Your Amusement:
Play the eclipse cartridge for the Zalagasans.
Upset other people's meals on the airplane.
Call your house from the airplane phone.
Examine the locker and read the sign. Turn left and middle. Turn left and right. Turn left and middle. Open the door. Go west. Take the key-card and examine it. Go east. Put the unlabelled cartridge in the computer. ?. Use the print command with the letters in the same order as you found the pieces of mail, e.g. PRINTC, PRINTD, PRINTE, and PRINTB.
The message on the screen says, "To find the entrance to Headquarters, upon entering the first numbered room, go in any direction. Thenceforth, subtract the number of the previous room from the number of the current room. Take the last digit of the difference. If it is zero, go East; if one, go South; if two, Up; if Three, North; if four, Down; if five, West. For example, the first numbered room is 64; the second is 105. The difference is 41, making the last digit one; you should go south in this case. Failure will return you to the antechamber."
QUIT and go east. Following the given instructions, navigate the maze to get to headquarters. When you arrive in the Airlock, put the key-card in the slot. Open the door. Repeat four times (your rising blood pressure gives you strength). Go north and west three times.
Examine the left screen. Go west. Examine the computer. Examine the address book. Read the first page. Connect the modular plug to the computer. RANDOM-Q-HACKER. RAINBOW-TURTLE. ?. WHO. TYP. DVH2.HAK. RUN. PLANE.EXE. (This requests a plane to get you home at the end of the game.) Now watch the screen. When you see a notification appear about what file the hacker is going to use next, type COP, then DVH2.HAK, then the filename indicated. This will cause the hacker to unknowingly use DVH2.HAK instead of the file he wanted to hack. DIR. WHO. Go west and up. Wait twice. Go west, south twice, and west. Read the letter. Don't you feel much better now?
For Your Amusement:
Run the nooz program on the unlabelled cartridge.
Look at the screens both before and after shutting down the complex.